Life is just a classroom
Whether you’re just getting started in life learning or you could teach the course, congratulations on your continued growth. I was, of course, evolving as a person as my life progressed, but it wasn’t until well into my thirties that someone told me it’s okay to not be able to solve every problem you face in a single instant. I truly didn’t know.
Like so many women, I saw striving and achievement as the way. I had my eye on the prize, and failure was not an option. How else would I know my worth and convince those around me to see past my flaws if I did not do the thing? I took incremental steps toward what I wanted and talked to everyone I could about how to bring it to fruition. And I did.
I got the job, I did the job, I loved the job. I delivered and had fun. I met the best people. I didn’t sleep much.
The job got me other jobs. The abilities and dexterity I built made success easier as I went. I enjoyed things people told me I would hate. I had so many wins but still so many struggles to continually prove myself. To bosses, to peers…to my mom.
I continued to shoot upwards but was starting to scorch as the atmosphere dwindled. I kept climbing in altitude but could not see the stars. I spent my time worrying I would fall, and someone would have to catch me, without realizing I could see the curvature of Earth and had sewed, tested, and packed my own parachute (or spacesuit, I guess, whatever the metaphor calls for at this point).
I sensed a beautiful vista around me, but I was distracted by reality. Late nights, weekend work, immediate deadlines. Taking care of household responsibilities and always feeling like I should be making time for the gym (or a run…kill me). I became resentful and stayed that way for a while.
Then I realized the cavalry’s not coming. I learned that people don’t always advocate for others who need something. Sometimes you luck out with a boss, but oftentimes coworkers are focused on output, their responsibilities, and the challenges in their own lives. It’s you and your own decisions.
Through reflection and my therapist helping me understand that everyone doesn’t know everything, but that we learn from each other and through our life experiences, I finally realized it was me. I am my own cavalry, my own protection, my own parachute/spacesuit. Not only could I choose for myself, but I would have to.
I took a vacation (the longest of my life so far). I got a new job. I stopped spending energy on conversations that depleted my battery. I unabashedly went to Target on a Saturday evening and bought 1989 TV on CD and blasted it with the convertible top down all the way home. And I found other ways to success that did not include raising my hand to solve every problem that came along. Honey, life is just a classroom.
I truly hope to never find myself as burned out as I became multiple times over the last decade. But something tells me I’ll have to keep taking my seat in the classroom of life. I’ll save you one next to me.
